Healthy and unhealthy relationships

Throughout life we develop relationships with lots of different people including family, close friends, boyfriends, or girlfriends in person and online.

Healthy relationships are about respecting each other, feeling comfortable and treating each other equally. Relationships are not always perfect; it's quite normal to have disagreements, but there are some things everyone deserves to ensure a happy and healthy life.

In a healthy relationship, you should always feel safe and respected, you should be able to be yourself, you shouldn’t feel controlled or pressured by anyone and you should never feel threatened or frightened.

If you do feel that you are being controlled, pressured, threatened or are frightened by someone, these feelings are characteristics of an unhealthy relationship.

Unhealthy relationships are often referred to as domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is the use of power and control in an intimate or family relationship.

There are different types of domestic abuse, including:

• physical - this can include kicking, hitting, choking, spitting and not allowing you basic needs like food or water
• sexual - such as forcing you into sexual acts, touching private parts or sharing images of private parts
• financial - for example, stealing and taking out loans or credit cards in your name
• emotional - this can include name calling, blaming you for things that aren’t your fault and stopping you seeing friends and family

Domestic abuse may get worse during pregnancy. If you're pregnant, you may not think that arguing or any violence is harmful to your unborn baby. Unborn babies are more likely to be born early, or have an infection if abuse is happening.

When children are exposed to domestic abuse, it can teach them that violence is acceptable conflict resolution, they develop secretive behaviours, children and young people can develop trust issues with those around them and can have a negative impact on their future relationships.

Even after a short time of being exposed to domestic abuse, children can become frightened, withdrawn, start bedwetting, they may run away, become aggressive, develop behavioural difficulties and problems at school.

If you're experiencing or have experienced any of the above, it can be difficult to seek help and support. Often people feel scared to tell someone, especially if they are fearful of what might happen to the people they love and what that might involve. It's important to remember that you are not to blame.

If you're in immediate danger call the Police on telephone: 999 and try to get to a safe place.

Our local independent domestic abuse service (IDAS) has lots of useful information on their website including resources to help you decide whether you are in a healthy relationship. For advice and support:

• telephone: 03000 110110
• email: [email protected]
• live chat with ISA

Alternatively, telephone: 0808 2000 247. This is a national 24-hour helpline.

If you're worried about your own or someone else’s behaviour then +Choices (Positive Choices) is a service for perpetrators of domestic abuse, providing an opportunity to recognise, acknowledge and change abusive behaviour.

The Positive Choices programme is available for anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation aged 16 years and over who is a perpetrator of domestic abuse, including repeat offenders and adolescents violent toward parents, who wish to voluntarily address their abusive behaviour. You can contact them by telephone: 01904 557491.

Find out more about Domestic Abuse.